Once upon a time. On a biu ti full Saturday morning, I refused like always to get up out of bed, but wasn’t it my surprise this time that someone, which name, shape, form I never was able to grasp, came to me and asked if he could for a short period of time, require the services of my body and in exchange he promised to return said body in better shape or form than before. It didn’t take me long to decide, there wasn’t much thinking, or any debate my self and I, I said why not. I have always felt awkward in this body anyway. I have never known how to use it properly or efficiently. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever for me to refuse such an interesting experiment and let’s not forget: Me and my bed have formed this special bond over the years that work, life, family, wife have always tried to break but without success and now that I finally get a chance to actually fulfill my dream to sleep and forget, why on earth would I pass it by?
So I said yes and every Saturday as the sun shyly entered its arena, coming out of its cave, the voice politely asked for me to let go and I always made sure to say: Make good use of it. And the voice to reply: you know I do. And he left with it. I knew he did make good usage of it because sex with my wife went from a 5 to a 10. I exhausted her properly that she required a few days before she would let me in again. Basketball pick up games went from boring to crowded parks where my talent was on display and my life was in danger when we left the arena. But my judo skills were also refined and one demonstration was enough to scare the others away. I was physically enhanced. Hercules in a black body. My tongue also came to function better than it had before. Speaking or not speaking when the opportunity was there. Quotes, proverbs, anecdotes, funny stories, my tongue charmed the ears out of every listener who came to me. It was pitiful and pleasurable at the same time to watch. My bed was slowly losing its alluring power. We were losing connection quickly and I didn’t care. There was so much to do and not enough time. People requested my presence and I was of use to people. I couldn’t just let them down now that I had a gift and I knew how to use it.
So I asked him on that Saturday if he or she or it wouldn’t mind never coming back since well this body was mine afterall and I finally started to enjoy and get the hang of it. You must know what happens next. He laughed. It was a hyena laugh. It was a predator laughter. A predator who had planted his claws deep in the flesh of its prey and wasn’t about to let go for anything. I was got. Listen to me, he or she or it said, this is what will happen: you will go back to sleep like always. I will do whatever I want with your body and we will keep doing this because I will let you in a little secret: all that enhancement you been feeling isn’t yours. This body is slowly letting you go for a better host so don’t be surprised that one of these days I don’t come back or that I give it back to you and you don’t know what to do with it. This body and me are developing a serious bond like you have one with your bed and soon enough, everyone will get what they deserve. Ok I will let you go back to sleep while I leave with our body. I had a few epithets and expletives stuck in my throat ready to be launched at it or he or she but I couldn’t get myself to insult my body walking out of the door with my clothes on so I fell back into bed and couldn’t sleep. I needed to think. Fast. I looked to my right as my wife has never been aware of the deal I had made and the conversations that took place every Saturday. I needed her to get involved. I needed her to save me. Like always.