Three months

Three months at the hospital
90 days she will never have back
Three months of fast and prayer
Three months me and God fighting
Like Job begged God
I begged and prayed
To have mercy on her
By taking me, her mother, instead of her.
I still remember the day she was born,
She had the smiling eyes of my dear husband
and my thick and proud hair

She gained weight quickly
And was a happy fat cheeked baby
She was the joy of everyone that met her
Women at church and at the market fought over holding her
I was the happiest mother in town in those days
We sang lullabies, we played in water, we communicated like beings
who have known each other in another life
At three years old, you cried a river when I left you with grandma for two days
I felt the same but it was to prepare us both these three unforgettable months
Now here I am sitting with you
Between life and death
Arguing God and the Devil
Begging for no one to take my child
The highlight of my day is when you smile while I give you a bath
You are thirteen years old
And its been three eternal months
Before and after don’t exist
Doctors wanted to get me admitted too
But I told them that if she dies
Just wrap me with her body and bury us
On that day when the earth stopped spinning
When the flowers stopped blooming
When the stars fell off the sky
When the night came to stay
When God hid his face
When the devil laughed out loud
When you ate and talked like everything was going to be ok
On that day I decided to leave I got in the taxicab and you left me alone
Later they told me that I refused clothes, food and water for three days
But here I am a living dead and you are gone:
Rosa, Rosa, Rosa what am I going to do without you?


2 thoughts on “Three months

  1. “But I told them that if she dies
    Just wrap me with her body and bury us”

    Death by watching someone you love die. A cause of death more painful than the loved one’s. Longer, more torturous, more plunderous.

    When I was younger my father liked to talk to us about his death. Preparing us, he said. We found it very cruel.

    • yes that’s cruel. Even though my father did know about his death, he didn’t say anything. I didn’t understand what death meant at that age either, I don’t think I do really now either

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