Maybe, Maybe Not

People are never where they say they are

They are sitting across you

But you don’t know that you are staring at a shell

While the host has left the building

But you are quick to leave also

And all that’s left are two unreal people trying to be real

You remember too well the loneliness of Real meets Fake

You ended up talking, eating, walking, making love

Only with yourself

She just happened to be there

But the key to her box was lost

And never sought after anymore

She couldn’t take anyone chasing after her anymore

All about her, her kinky hair, her loose clothes and bathroom slippers

Spelled contentment in who she ended up being

Pleasant and pleasing herself without anyone say so

So you went ahead and did the foolishness of loving her even more

Because you hate not having

And when she finally gave

A lazy “I love you too”

Heavens should have come for you

But it barely brushed past your “Maybe tomorrow she will love me”

She ended marrying you

Gave you children

Lived blissfully

But your happiness had never made a come back

Your eyes still thinking and saying:

“Maybe tomorrow she will love me”

Bewitched

When I’m not busy bleeding all over this page

I put on makeup to keep my face looking young and beautiful

because that’s the only way I can be loved

it’s a pity my heart has turned black overnight

otherwise I would be all over that milky soul of yours

you tell me not to worry

that this isn’t your first rodeo

and I can feel the beast in me wagging its tail for you

Keeping the Music Going

I like the way you packaged your hurt to have it to go

You fold it carefully like your mama taught you

It’s painful to watch so I put on dark shades

To blind myself from the truth staring into me

You said you can’t stand how I leave my hurt all over the place

I tag it on the walls, in the bedroom and the living room

The house breathing and swaying with every motion of my soul

But you knew love when you saw it

So every morning you left me

To keep our worlds balanced

I may be the one carrying the world on my back

But you are the feet that keep us grounded and moving

Keeping the music going

Whenever despair threatens to decay us

You may be a tired song to others

But you are my tired song

So every evening I wind up my heart for us

And we would slow dance

Our love stealing time

again and again

no tooth of wisdom

There’s no question that I am self absorbed

it’s when I touch your heart

that everything gets confusing

I mean look at us

we waste each other

as we go on kissing and stabbing

at each other’s Achilles’ heels

we make stupid statements like

all is fair in love like in war

when we are just too weak

to hold the thorns that are holding

the roses that we are

we say hurtful things like

I’m tired of you

when it’s our hearts that’s stopped pumping

and our smiles from shining

and our hands from holding

too often we have mocked

the quirks and oddities that glued us

now we are spent

in our quest for someone normal

we were fools in love

with no tooth of wisdom

to chew out the ego

and keep this grain of happiness to ourselves

 

My way back inside

I refuse to be that dog, wagging my tail , panting for someone to never come

I used to love like a fool

And live for you like a fool

I took my wants, needs, desires in every gift I handed you

I did it all except bleed for you

I couldn’t bleed for myself

Even when I had the opportunity

much less for someone who couldn’t tremble when my tongue brushed his neck

Or a man who didn’t smack his lips or rub his belly with delight

When I had put my soul in Soul Food

All I needed was for his heart to crack open

and drip out some of that male tenderness

That he hides under that booming voice of his

But like sunlight piercing through a blotted out window

You will catch him letting a smile hang  by the corners of his lips

Its true I keep getting lost on my way to find myself

I would make a map, designate the rest areas, pack refreshments

And simply gaze at the open road

while wondering if I could stretch myself for this long

And let the world take a bite out of me

When I can’t seem to have

Anything of me anymore

every morning, I’m surprised to find every part of me is still there

Nothing got lost on the highways of dreams

No one could trace on my body the ups and downs of my journey

All you could do is trust my word on this.

Mary, Mary you will be the death of me

She walked and smoked

Blowing factory fumes up in the air

Her steps pacing to the dead rhythm

Of factory workers doing the love work

As for him, he barely kept up with her

Trying and panting

Gasping and trying

You could see how he wrestled with himself

To sort himself out to be with her

 

Mary, mary you will be the death of me

But death gets lonely

So I will need your warm body

To make me feel alive and whole again

Be mine for a blink of an eye

Let’s hold hands like the old couple we will never be

Let’s embrace every little bit of each other

Let’s settle down in this moment

And build glass houses on clouds

Before goodbyes stick in our throats

And the light at the end of the tunnel fades away

 

She turned a corner and vanished

The shadow of her swaying hips

Lingering in his mind

Another missed catch

The sun was going down

And the stars started chiming in

Was that a bird or her love flying by?

He watched the trees dance to the serenade of the wind

How come the world is still spinning?